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I think sometimes I’ll discover me

dark wanderer

in a free obituary search.

I’ll find that I have gone past here

and found a different now.

Drawings of scorpions

and grim reaper drawings

gothic angel art?

I forgot to list their names.

I think it is because they sang

so darkly.

Neon Blue slept here

I feared she would.

She got tired of all those noises.

She got tired of all the screams

that made havoc in her mind.

Projected inappropriately

past those midnight walls

Lily heard her

letting them come out.

Lily and I

in the dark holding hands.

And will hear those memories

forever.

Grim reaper

grim reaper

on my walls

and in my bed

late at night

I hear you breathing.

Obituary searches found my name?

You have stained my heart

caused me forever to know sadness

despite tokens of good cheer

tiny angels will not rest here with ease.

Not for me and not for Lily

despite her well dressed protests.

It is with sadness

colored with regret

I hear her

and yet dear Lily

tiny angel

will forever point toward stars.

In the light I see her

still hopeful.

I always have.

And yet..

Moans come from the closet still.

I want to drag them out

wrap them in a blanket

suffocate their need of me

tie them to the other side

of somewhere I can’t find again.

I want to become cold

become a calloused word.

Lily won’t speak of it to her

she would not recall it anyway

not an honest story she’d remember.

Perfect not to admit to.

Who would?

I will hold back all those tainted fields.

No daisies

no roses planted with care

no little ponds I wished I could maintain

that would love me back

and lend comfort to a little girl.

In times of weakness

Yes, I think sometimes I’ll discover me

dark wanderer

in a free obituary search.

I’ll find that I have gone past here

and found a different now

yet I know one thing more

secrets shared

I will always find peace in Lily’s arms.

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